Monday, July 31, 2006

Somethings will never be for sale

There are things I will swallow my pride for...My children, my wife, my brother and a very few select number of Friends. You can come in here and yell through me to a vendor...You Can come in here and YELL @ me for Fucking up...
But never come in here and a take personal shots @ me...Trust me I'm not an idiot in the sense you think. I might be an idiot for staying here as long as I have. But when I walk away from here and I will. I will never look back don't look back, Trust me you will offer me the world to listen to your immature whine...But My pride is not and neve has been for sale...

Friday, July 28, 2006

Like finding a 5 Leaf clover

Last night I received the surprise of a life time. Pep had to pick up her car from the local car dealer last night, for some general maintenance and getting a hitch installed. Getting the hitch installed is for another time. We dropped it off last night and it was a 4 hour production with where we had to pick up the car she was going to borrow. She asked a mutual friend (Carrots) to give her a ride since I didn't want to drag the little ones all over again... She got home around 9:30-10 which I though was a bit late but paid it no mind. I keep hearing giggling down stairs and assume she is on the phone and go down to see how it went.

To my surprise Carrots was down there and they stopped off for a few drinks. Seems Carrots is upset because her husband hasn't had sex w/ her in months. If you know me or know anything about me, you know I made a dumb ass comment about how I would take care of her and more obnoxious comments that I make to all of Pep's Friends and Family. I open a bottle of wine and join in the discussion, but let them know I'll be right back because I really should put on some shorts, as I'm sitting there in my boxers. Pep says don't bother it'll be less I have to take off later...I laugh knowing it's not true. I notice carrots has been a bit shaken by this comment and stares off in the distance. I look over at her and kind kidding kind of not say, why don't you join us...The normal laughter or sarcastic remark doesn't surface like I expect, and Pep has said nothing yet either. Right now my mind is racing 300 miles an hour, did I go too far, did I say something I shouldn't have...

Pep says "yes...why don't you"....Was she talking to me or her?!?!?! What just happened??!?! My heart feels like it's going to beat out of my chest...I need to relax I've been her before and I landed the deal, I can do this. Then I slam on the breaks in my mind...This is a test or a joke, there either going to mock me for years to come over this or she is testing me to see if I would do it. What to do, what to do... So as cool as I can muster I say..."I'm sorry did you say you have the Flu"...her response was simple and to the point "you know what I said". I've know Carrots to brag about a wild past but there is no way she's going for this....Not a chance in hell...She's married she has kids...

She pushes back her chair, oh no we went over the line, she pissed and leaving. She walks over to me, Damn it I'm getting smacked...Carrot looks me right in the face and says "if (insert hubby's name here) is going to use this, then someone should"....I casually mention we should go down to the basement and open another bottle....

I won't get too graphic as this isn't the place for it....But I will tell you there is only one thing better than taking your wife from behind while she pleasures another woman...Taking her friend from behind while she pleasures your wife...

They never installed the hitch and I’ve never been happier with an inept service department…But who am I kidding Lightning never strikes twice

Thursday, July 27, 2006

What do you mean I ignore the obvious?

I not sure why but Pep tells me sometime I ignore the glaringly obvious things in life...What she fails to recognize is I see everything but I choose to ignore the pointless, stupid, obvious and mundane...I think it helps keep Jack a happy boy!!!!

Seems my ship might sail

My "appointment" went well yesterday....Seems I need a second look but it's down to two...And who in there right mind wouldn’t pick me over some smuck from Long Island

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Sunnier Skies

I've been way too angry lately and venting here to today I thought I would pass on some humor (might only be funny to me)....
  1. To Become Bullet proof a person needs to weight in the area of 1400 pounds
  2. Umbilical Cord Clips make excellent "chip clips"
  3. The formula to measure the weight of water in fecal matter to follow....~

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Size 43?!?!?! I'm Easily a size 16 or 17

I love to be patronized, honest I do. Even more so, I especially love to get fucked with...

Let me let you in on a little secret. If you don't want me to do something, say I can't do it and I won't...

BUT, if you say I can do something then stand by your guns and let me do it. If you have the balls to try and to pull the rug out from under me once I’ve tasted an ounce of success...You're going to get quite a surprise.

I will Fuck w/ you and I'm going to fuck w/ you in ways you could never imagine...

Monday, July 24, 2006

Glass Houses and what not

There is nothing I love more than the “Church Going” type person that finds it appropriate to condemn me for not going to church or living the way they live. When they truly live nothing remote close to the lifestyle they preach to me...or try to portray to the world…

Friday, July 21, 2006

The money shot....

I took this shot @ the Pitsburg zoo @ earlier this year....It's one of my favorite...You have to admit you wouldn't want to scrap w/ this MF'er

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Just One of the Boys

Yogi vs. Bush

I am trying to stick w/ our theme of epic battles for the next week or so or at least until the 5th. This is the battle of the Galactically stupid vs. a Baseball catcher....Normally you would think our Commander and chief would be smarter than a hall of fame Catcher from the 40's and 50s but I'll let you decide

Round 1
GW: "The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country."
YB: "A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore."

Round 2
GW: "One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is ' to be prepared'"
YB: "Congratulations. I knew the record would stand until it was broken"

Round 3
GW: "I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."
YB: "I think Little League is wonderful. It keeps the kids out of the house."

Round 4
GW: "We're going to have the best educated American people in the world."
YB: "Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours."

And the Winner is GW 3-1....But if he is the winner who is the loser....The American People and it's a fucking shame....

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Epic Battles over time

Over my short amount of time on this big Blue Marble...I have witnessed and been a part of a few epic Battles;
Luke vs. Vader
Godzilla vs. the Smog Monster
Clements vs. Piazza
Obi Wan vs. Anakin
G.I. Joe vs. Cobra
And now one of the greatest events of our time, on Aug, 5 2006 @ the North Wales Moe's Southwest Grill....


This meeting of proverbial giants should be an absolute blood bath. Wing Kong (WK) seemingly so unconcerned w/ his first round competition, failed to time himself to see how he will stack against his second round competition. Thought Kong had such a strong showing, it seems Steakbellie had the forethought to have one of his devoted fans and son CL time him, and he posted quite a strong 2 minute 38 second ass whoopin to the competition....Only time will tell in this battle, but I can tell this. Whichever of us comes out on top it will be close and I'm will to put a c note down that the winner of the whole GD thing comes out of the North Wales store....

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Latka is dieing inside

Latka and his wife are watching TV and the old Diet Pepsi commercial comes on and Latka wife says who is that (referring to Ray Charles) Here is how the conversation follows:
"That's Ray Charles...Don't you know who Ray Charles is???"
"Of Coarse I do, that’s Stevie Wonders Father...."

You see why some people shouldn't be allowed to reproduce

Dooms Day is upon Moe's and the weak will not inherit the earth or my custom Chopper

Today is the first round of the Moe's Southwestern Grill Burrito contest. I'm a nervous wreck/ball of Nervous energy/Butterflies are bats, you get what I'm saying...I'm pretty confident I will make it out of this round but who knows...I just need to eat my own race, I'm already hungry and Not sure if I should have a few snacks through out the day or go in there ravenous....Let you know later

From Smokey Joe...To Joey Bag of Donuts

Well it's official SteakBellie and Wing Kong will be in the Moe’s Southwest Grill burrito eating contest. Hopefully we will be bouting it out in the 2nd round of the Moe's Southwest Grill Burritos...I was hoping we would get different stores but alas it was not to be…seems a second round face off vs. a 3rd round clash of the titans, on our way to that sweet ass bike was not to be. Funny would be if neither of our Dumb asses got out of the first round and my foreshadowing jinxes me…Either way good luck old friend and thanks for letting me in on the contest…

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Tuesdays w/ Morie?!?!?! How about lunch w/ Smokey Joe!!!

You might think "Tuesdays w/ Morie" was enlightening and helped you get a better perspective on life, well try lunch w/ Smokey Joe. Frequently I have lunch w/ a co-worker who shall be know thins day forth as Smokey Joe. He has asked for me to use this name as to keep his anonymity. See I get quite an education from Smokey Joe, Smokey play for the other team, or he's a Mo as he likes to call it, you see apparently there is a lot of lingo that goes w/ being gay, it's like a whole new language. Here are a few I've run across it seems we have, vultures, chicken hawks, Mo's, the leather community (which it seems Smokey is a part of), Shrimping (I'll never explain this again), Natural Bottoms and a plethora of others...Seems I could play for his team and live the life of Riley, But I have to tell you I enjoy my team...I like wet holes (seems the old Vag is too wet for our good friend), long slow kisses (5 o'clock shadow less), and I actually enjoy spending a few years trying to get the old lady to give me the forbidden hole (I'm not allowed to call it the dirty one in front of Smokey) and always needing to fall back on a wonderful continence plan which is the big “V” (she's still not budging on the old back door)...Yes dear friend our time together is amusing and informative, but I don’t think the Peter Pan syndrome is for me.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Bad Luck!!!! How about no Luck

I've come to realize I have no luck...It's just a matter of time before the best of things that I think are great, come toppling down like a house of Cards...3 years ago I Spend a week putting in Central Air to save about 2 thousand dollars. 1 Dog w/ big bladder + AC unit equals disaster, and if anyone could have told me that then you're full of shit. How does Dog piss eat a copper coil...But I digress. I get a new Unit for about 800.00 hoping to save 1200.00 that the local HVAC guy told me it would cost to replace. I proceed to put it in, should have taken 4-6 hours three days later it's in. And guess what...It doesn't work and I need to tack it back to the manufacturer. When will I wise up and pay the extra....

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Cows be afraid...Be very afraid

Do you really think man man clawed his way to the top of the food chain to eat soy!!!!!

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

53 and 3/4

Sometimes when you see something on TV you think in your head, "I think I cold do that". Hell I've done it on more than one occasion, and one of those times was watching someone eat hotdogs. I was thinking to myself "I can eat 20 or more, how hard can it be", in my head I'm thinking I can eat wings like there is not tomorrow and I was a Wing Bowl Contestant (yet I didn't make it out of the first round)...But that is for another day. So a few months ago we (steakbellie and I) came up with the idea to try out for Nathan. Steakbellie does all the reading up and prep work and we get together for a test run....I think I'm going to do 16 my first run, two packs no problem...7 minutes and 37 seconds later, I'm only 12 hotdogs in, and I'm F'ing dieing...Long story short we trained for a few months and I got up to 16 in training, @ the Philly Qualifier I did 15. I never even got close to my dream of Coney Island and ESPN. To all the guys I've had the privilege of meeting at a few of the contest I've been to, congratulation. Brian, Humble Bob, Crazy Legs, Eater X...I look forward to trying again next year and being up at the table w/ you...Because I will be up at that table on the fourth of July.

Moral of the story: It's not nearly as easy as you think and these guys are no joke, one and all. I can only hope, dream, and train my ass off to get to the big table....

Monday, July 03, 2006

Mumps in the year 2006?!?!?!?!

Who the hell gets mumps?!?!?! Apparently me!!! How you might ask??? Don't ask me...My face swells up no both sides by my jaw so I head to the ER (not my choice but Pep usually knows better)...I become "the Mystery case of the night". "We think it's mumps" says one of DCMH's finest residents, and I do like this guy so there is only a bit of sarcasm in my "finest" comment but not allot. He leaves and confers w/ another Doctor, who comes back pretty quick, guess he couldn't believe it either...Lo and behold he says mumps too but we need some blood tests. MY Reply is if it's not "could it be the Plague??? He didn't laugh...

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Harry Potter?!?!?!?

One of my favorite things in the world is to lay in bed w/ my family on a Saturday or a Sunday morning and just wrestle and be silly and listen to the belly laughs that come out of that and this morning generated one of the best laughs in a long time for everyone...
I get woken up about 7:30 by my Bits (my daughter)scratching and rubbing my chin (I have a goatee)...So I say "Bits???" in my just woke up voice...
"Yes" Says this little innocent voice...
"What are you doing"....
"Fixing your're hairy...YOUR HARRY POTTER!!!!!!"

It was a good laugh and a great way to start the day