My World Is A Conundrum

Gone but not forgotten

2009-10-24T20:50:00.002-04:00

It's that time of the year again, the off season. It a bitter sweet time of the year where I am glad the season is over but hate there are no contests...I know I'm F'ed in the head. This year I actually have some things to occupy my passion for competition. This is the year of the biggest loser competition. Myself and seven other eaters have begun a 12 week diet to not only shed weight but hopefully make us better eaters in the end by losing body fat and becoming healthier. I am going to follow up with all of them and see if they mind if I use there actual names and weights. I hope you will follow along and help cheer us along...or at least get a good chuckle at a bunch of fat guys who love food try losing weight.

Farewell Torsopants

2008-12-04T09:50:00.001-05:00

I HAVE SIX WORDS FOR YOU

2008-11-19T16:49:00.000-05:00

My new passion Demotivating posters

2008-11-19T15:10:00.004-05:00

Please help me identify this

2008-10-22T10:44:00.003-04:00

This is what I have let contiunue to grow in my tank for sometime, suddenly I thought thatmaybe it might be bad and I am huting the tank. I hope anyone can help.

Damn I'm nervous

2008-10-08T06:34:00.002-04:00

I know this is short and pretty much pointless...But damn I'm a nervous wreck. I feel like there a an awful lot riding on this...and I just need it to go like in practice...

Thought writing this would calm my nerves...No such luck.

Maverick

2008-10-02T22:28:00.001-04:00

Apparently after I heard the word maverick for the 20 time from Palin...I started to believe it.

or maybe it was the picture...

Beans, beans there good for your heart, the more you eat the more you...

2008-10-01T20:23:00.007-04:00

For just about as long as I can remember, I've had beans on the
brain. Let me clarify, since my second Wing Bowl stunt I've wanted
nothing more than to try and break good ole Dale Boone's pork and bean
record. Not because I don't like Dale (even though I don't), not to
wipe his name from any record the IFOCE recognizes (I eventually
will). But because I really like the idea of trying to put my name
next to a record. Something I could tell my Grand kids about...

Next Wednesday at 8:00 I will get a chance to break his record, on a local
Philadelphia radio show. The Preston and Steve show on 93.3 wmmr, will have Steakbellie and myself in the studio to attempt this and another stunt (I will not divulge Steakbellies stunt). I have tried to contact Dale to let him know I would be attempting his record, I'm not even sure why I tried. But it just felt like the right thing to do, like when you ask a woman's father for her hand in marriage. Maybe I'm looking into this more than I need to. Unfortunately and I assume par for the course I got no reply from him, I'm sure I'll hear a bunch of crap after from him, which reminds me why I want to remove his name from the record books and the black mark he has left on more than one Competitive eating group.

I can not express how excited and nervous I am about getting this chance. But with a little luck and a few more good training runs, I'll be one step closer to having a great story to tell my Grand kids....

Oh Atlanta

2008-09-11T21:52:00.001-04:00

Seems waffles...chicken and way too many shots...were way to much for
George.

a

2008-07-17T22:22:00.000-04:00

Disappointment

2008-06-30T10:27:00.003-04:00

It's taken me a while to write about losing to Pat at QVC. Probably because in my own sick little disillusioned mind I really thought I had a shot of coming close to Booker if I could add an extra dog to the QVC total and he had a slightly off day. Unfortunately/fortunately I got to witness first hand why he is a great eater. My hat is off to him I was impressed and humbled by his speed and capacity for not training in any way for that event.

QVC was lined up perfect for me, it was like it was written in the stars. Unfortunately no one told Pat that. This was the first time I have done an event at QVC. The conditions, atmosphere and crowd are all perfect to try and put a good number. As George called us to the stage, I was surprised that Pat was called earlier than I though he should. which left USMale on my direct left and Flash Gordon next to him. On my right was Paul “Buffet Buster” Sakelarides followed by steakbellie then Pat. I got off to a good start, the AC made the dogs a litle cold but was great for keeping the meatsweats at bay until a little later in the contest. I tried to focus on my plates and my numbers, but I would hear how Flash Gordon and Pat were neck and neck , I knew I was 2 meats ahead of them. With just under a minute left I cleared and got another down putting me @ 21 an putting me even or a head of Flash, not sure where Philbin was. With 5 seconds left I stuffed one more taking it to 22. I looked left at Flashes plate and knew I had beat him, some relief there. I turn around to look at Pat's number his counter has him @ 22, suddenly panic, "Shit overtime" immediately goes in my head. I look over to steakbellie and show him 22 w/ my fingers. Yet I see no look of excitement for me...I gaze just past him to see Pat's plate, and I know why. There sits the lonely half of a dog that is stopping me from Conney Island. In my head I scream "FUCK"...I wanted this, I really did. 4 inches of dog, I had room for that...I was just beaten that day. Pat was the better eater and the smarter eater that day.

So now that I was man handled by Booker in Camden and Juliet in Pittsburgh. Then out smarted by Pat at QVC...Most would say wait until next year...With big boasts of comebacks and bigger numbers and smarter runs. But I say, we will have see what the future brings, w/ a little luck and hard work maybe I will finally see the stage at Conney, and not just on TV or from a distance. Maybe family pressure w/ bring it all to an end, who knows. I sure don't...

To all of you who made it this year a heart felt congratulations, it's a lot of work and dedication to get where you are and you all deserve every bit of it.

If you ever wondered how I got the Lazy eye

2008-05-28T10:40:00.002-04:00

I was walking past the mental hospital some time back, and all the patients were shouting, '13....13....13'

The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on.

Someone poked me in the eye with a stick.

Then they all started shouting '14....14....14'...

14 to 23.5 to ???

2008-04-21T16:30:00.003-04:00

Seems Nathans is upon us...It's not like anyone who is anyone doesn't already know this. But I can't help but wonder...First year 14...Second year 23.5...Third year???? So many questions seems to swarm my brain this time of year.

Can I improve another 10 dogs (9.5, but who's counting)???
Am I/will I be ready???
Is this my year???

A lot of thought went into these questions as I guess any eater has to answer the man in the mirrors questions...

Can I improve by 10? Why the hell can't I. I'm a better eater now than a year ago, I'm smarter and i know my body and it's limits intimately.

Am I/will I be ready??? If not now then when?!?!?

Is this my year??? Every year is my year...it's what I do w/ it. Whispers of Juris, Shredder, Stekbellie or Arturo. Their numbers mean nothing if I can't make my own number, a number to beat...and that all depends on me and me alone. We all get so damn caught up in speculation of what someone might do...we forget what we need to do.

My destiny is my own and can never be shaped or swayed by anothers obstacles...Only my own...

How many DUI's do you think this dumbass gets

2008-04-21T14:51:00.002-04:00

DISINTEGRATOR: The Movie (rubber band gun)

2008-02-14T15:42:00.001-05:00

I have a purpuse again

Aaahhh the first snow of the year

2007-12-20T15:15:00.000-05:00

Seems that I was a bit over zealous in my excitement about this earls first snow fall...I decided to get all decked out in my snow angle outfit and shovel some snow. Since I have elderly neighbors I decided to do there porch also...Man they were pissed at me, The good news is they insist I don't shovel their porch anymore.

The real Lucky

2007-12-10T10:45:00.000-05:00

Some people name there animals ironic names...SB has a three legged dog named luck. Another buddie of mine has a Great Dane named tiny...The list goes on I'm sure...

I have a cat called luck...and I think you'll agree it's not to be funny or facetious...

To Wing Bowl or Not to Wing Bowl...

2007-11-12T10:48:00.000-05:00

This hiatus from eating is already making me crazy, and it's completely normal for me to get this way. Some of the eaters w/ spouses and kids need the down time to get there lives in order, spend quality time around the house. Some eaters might just need to just away for a bit, it takes a lot of commitment to travel as much as the likes of Pat, Joey and Wild Bill. But I can’t stand the down time; I would get like this in the off season for football.

I never really get to do as many contests as I would like, and honestly who does, but it seemed there was always something to look forward to. As Wing bowl falls upon us I thought this would be the one thing to get me through the winter, but it’s not and I don’t know why. This is the event I first cut my CE teeth on, this is the single largest crowd I’ve ever eaten or played in front of. Yet it’s not appeasing the dark passenger that is my completive alter ego. I think once I do my trial run this weekend I might be in a better frame of mind…We’ll let you know. On Monday…

Rings true

2007-11-12T10:43:00.000-05:00

IN PARENTING I'VE LOST MY MIND...

BUT

FOUND MY SOUL...

I thought it was just a figure of speech but apparently not!

2007-11-06T15:42:00.000-05:00

Who knew

See who gets it and who doesn't

2007-10-04T13:00:00.001-04:00

"There are only 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't"

That's what friends are for

2007-08-31T13:28:00.000-04:00

Going through some pictures I couldn't help but notice that Steakbellie is totally checking out my wife's rack....

Bastard

Only in America

2007-08-02T16:38:00.000-04:00

Think you've got aches and paines

2007-07-17T16:26:00.000-04:00

Michael Lenahan, 23, of Philadelphia, Pa. is gored in the leg by a fighting bull during a traditional bull run in Pamplona, Spain, Thursday July 12, 2007. Two American brothers were gored Thursday during the longest and bloodiest morning bull run at the San Fermin festival in the northeastern city of Pamplona. Lawrence Lenahan, 26, of Hermosa Beach, Calif. and Michael Lenahan, 23, of Philadelphia, Pa. were gored by a bull who strayed from the pack, turned around and ran the wrong way. The older brother suffered a eight-inch (20-centimeter) goring in the left buttock after a dangerous sharp right turn in the course Lenahan described as a 'dead man's curve.' The younger brother was injured shortly before the bull ring, the end point of the daily runs, after the bulls horn entered beneath his skin in his right shin.

The moral of the story, don't F#ck w/ Bulls

How rubber gloves are made acording to gram

2007-07-17T14:46:00.001-04:00

When my grandmother was alive she lived w/ us for a few years. So I had to do a few things that sometimes we don't want to do. But you close your eyes and remember @ some point they changed your shitty diaper and wiped your A$$. During one of her visits to the hospital she got a bed sore on her rear end. No biggie I had to put change the dressing and put this ointment on it. She was a little nervous the first time, so he decided to tell her a little joke. As I put on my gloves. I simply asked her "Do you know how they make these gloves?" "No, I don't," she replied. "Well," I spoofed, "there's a building in Mexico with a big tank of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size." Ironically she didn't crack a smile. "Oh, well. I tried," I thought. But about five minutes later, as I'm finishing up, she burst out laughing. "What's so funny?" I asked. "I was just envisioning how condoms are made!"

Moral of the story, Gotta watch those little old ladies! Their minds are always working. Even Grams

Will it Blend!!!!!!

2007-07-16T12:34:00.000-04:00

I'm not kidding or exaggerating when I say this....This is the funniest site I've visited in a long time. I stayed up in bed until about 11:30 last night watching all of them...

http://www.willitblend.com/

Who ever thought this up is an F'ing marking genius...I actually went as far as getting out of bed @ quarter to twelve last night to order the home version which mind you is the one he uses in the videos. I honestly can not fathom how insanely awesome the commercial version would be. Alas I thought better of it once my feet hit the cold linoleum and realized Peep would flipping kill me...

When did it become ok

2007-07-12T12:46:00.000-04:00

I am a huge fan of women, I love the female anatomy and always have. But since I've become married I have been happily following the look don't touch rule. Hence I have learned to love from a distance except w/ my beautiful wife of coarse.

I will admit my tastes have become more diverse, I like all shapes and most sizes, big and small boobs, Big asses and little asses...You get the idea. No one enjoys the rare siting of a nice whale tail more than me.

But could someone please tell me when it became acceptable for a woman to wear a shirt that was too short and tight w/ a Fat roll??? I work in an office that is "Business Casual" and the number of woman w/ there rolls hanging out is crazy. It takes everything in me to say "do you really think that looks good?"

I'm a fat ass and you don't see me walking around w/ a half shirt....NO!!!! And do you know why it not pretty and no one should be subject to it that didn't willingly marry me. Here is a hint, leave whatever it is your hiding under there to the imagination of the viewer. Once the present is opened there is no more suprise.

God protects the young and stupid

2007-07-10T13:51:00.001-04:00

I love this guy...Absolutely love him. Just read the article then tell me you didn't at least think about trying it...In hind site I wouldn't need the bags of water because I'd probably piss myself.

Did Philip Fart?

2007-07-10T12:29:00.001-04:00

Did Philip Fart?

What do you think?

This is going to be one ugly Kid

2007-07-04T18:37:00.000-04:00

A Dhali Moment

2007-07-01T00:11:00.000-04:00

Suddenly I find myself sitting on park bench overlooking a beautiful river, the view is simply beautiful. The smells and sounds fill my mind w/ memories, of childhood. Yet I can not place where I am, I know I've been here. I look everywhere for a sign to clue me in on where I am or how I got there, but there isn't even anyone to ask. Ironically I find I don't care, it is so relaxing to finally enjoy some of the childhood I seemed to have forgotten over time.

I am suddenly startled by movement on the bench, yet no one was here just seconds ago. As I look over I notice a skinny weathered old man. I can't help but stare, I know that face. I feel lulled into sense of security so I simply inquire, "Who are you???" In a voice eerily familiar "An old acquaintance, why?"
What are you doing here?
"I've come to warn you..."
"About?"
Impatiently as if pressed for time "Becoming a father!!!"
"What are you talking about, I think I'll be a great Dad..."
"You never will be. Trust me, I've seen it, I've been there..."
"Who are you?!?!?! You don't even know me."
"I know you, I'm just like you, Hell I practically am you. But not why I'm here. so shut up and listen. You are going to be a failure as a father, so please don't ruin the lives of your children like your life was."
"What the fuck are you talking about?? My life was ruined by anyone."
"Not even that piece of shit father of yours???"
"NO, please I couldn't have had a better role model on how to be a father"
"WHAT!!!! He was a drunk, he abandoned you, he lied to you...and you will be just like him, it's in your blood"
"I've thought of all that, I've spent more time than I honestly should have...but honestly, think about it, what a better role model than to have the complete polar opposite of what you want to be...."

Silence sets in between myself and the stranger...I know in my heart of hearts that those final words are worse than anything I could have said or done to him. Sadly I know who he is, I guess I've known in the back of my mind the whole time. I get up from the bench to walk away. A meek and desperate voice calls to me "Where are you going???" I say nothing, I don't need to. "you need to listen to me about this"...Still nothing from me. I look back and I see the tears rolling down is cheeks, I know he thinks he failed to deliver his mistimed unwanted message. Like a speech that has been practiced a million times the words roll of my tongue, "Jim" I see the look of utter surprise on his face "or should I say DAD, if you came her for forgiveness you wasted both our times...I could never be like you...I know all to well what it's like to have no one, they never will. If you are looking for forgiveness, you came to the wrong place"

Suddenly the alarm is going off, I quickly hit snooze knowing I don't want to wake my son or daughter who might have snuck in my bed during the night...I look over and see my daughter, and I'm overcome with a feeling of confidence. Because I know, no matter how bad of a job as a father I might do from time to time...I'll still be better than you.

I have witnessed the Future of my hair line

2007-06-26T16:49:00.000-04:00

Seems through the magic of science and computers we can see what we will look like in 10, 20 0r 30 years...Unfortunately I am able to afford those ways...So I bought a $30 pair of clippers. Sounded like a good idea at the time...

If you have kids...This all makes sense

2007-06-21T15:56:00.000-04:00

Obvious HR infraction

2007-06-12T14:26:00.000-04:00

Yesterday t seems I had, what has been deemed a gross misjudgement in the musical lyrics I chose to sing at work yesterday. Please note it was those uptight HR people that found this infraction worthy of a written reprimand. I'll leave you w/ the lyrics and you decide if it warranted being written up...

There's a skeeter on my Peter
Whack it off....

A picture is worth a thousand words

2007-06-09T14:30:00.000-04:00

Apparently there is a God

My New Guise

2007-06-06T12:05:00.001-04:00

I figured I need a new guise to eat under, something that would make up for my inability to break on to the winners stand...Something that would make sure people remember me...So I found a costume that seemed like it would make an impression on people. This is the one I settled on and I plan on introducing it in Memphis this year for Krystals....Be honest is it to loose

Once in a while I would like to sleep in

2007-05-06T08:06:00.000-04:00

Monday through Friday I can't get there little asses up...But Saturday and Sunday I'm luck if it's 6:30 or 7:00....

THE MORAL OF THE STORY:
NEVER MARRY A MORNING PERSON...YOU'LL ONLY SPAWN MORNING CHILDREN

A good day

2007-04-25T14:24:00.000-04:00

It was a good day...A very good day

Name That Movie

2007-04-25T12:22:00.000-04:00

Mother is the name of God on the hearts and lips of children...

Talk about Irony

2007-04-18T11:12:00.000-04:00

Holy Shit you want to talk about irony...I could be wrong, but judging by his hat, this guy just ain't gonna make it!!!!

I f'ing love this joke

2007-04-18T09:34:00.000-04:00

WHY YOU NEVER QUESTION A DRUNK

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk,

A carton of eggs,

A quart of orange juice,

A head of romaine lettuce,

A 2 lb. can of coffee,

And a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly Stated,

"You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued By the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly".

Virginia Tech

2007-04-17T11:00:00.000-04:00

I just read about the Virginia Tech shooting. It appears that classes were canceled via E-mail. Part of me is shocked that that was all they did, but then I realized that there isn't a better way to announce this on a spread out campus...

Another fork in the road (Part 2)

2007-03-09T15:16:00.000-05:00

I lie awake with a deep restlessness, I was anxiously awaiting his return...I knew he wanted his answer and I wanted this over with, once and for all. I had wasted so many waking hours second guessing myself and trying to decide on what path I would find my destiny. As sleep was desperately beckoning me, I slowly succumbed to it.

With the subtly of a freight train I was jarred from my rest by his untimely arrived. In that cynical tone he began his prodding...“What are you doing, going to sleep?"..."Taking the easy way again I see, that’s just like you.” My mind was filled with delirium from my lack of sleep, so I simply stated “I have your answer, or is it my answer? Either way I have it.” Excitedly he replied “It OUR answer and OUR problem, so leave your little identity crisis for another day…What have you chosen? I can’t wait to move on…” Defiantly the answer left my lips, and stung with the poison I wanted it to, “I have decided to stay exactly where I am, on the the very path I chose for myself along time ago.” Viciously and with the feel of disdain, he screamed at me so loud I thought he might wake Pep or the kids. “NO, YOU HAVE NOT FOOL! YOU HAVE SAT IDEALLY WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO MAKE THE DECISION FOR YOU!!!" I replied sternly "Lower your voice, no one can hear you but me and I will not tolerate rudeness from anyone" then in almost a whisper "I have chosen to remain on the path, that was made by me, and me alone." I know he is disappointed as he grows quite, his words taking on the tone of a broken man..."how could you do this to me...I have waited far to long for you to just sit here forever." I begin to approach him as if he is an angry child, and I realize he is.

"We have sat no where for all these years. What I have done is cut my own path between the two roads society set before us. We have never truly fit on either, We live for the moment and enjoy it to it's fullest potential, and that is when I walk parallel to that path. But anyone who doesn't remember his past as opposed to dwelling in it, is destined to repeat it...Now leave me alone, I need some sleep I've got to train for South Carolina...and the fish tank leaks

Another fork in the road (Part 1)

2007-03-07T13:24:00.000-05:00

As some would say, I leisurely stroll along the path of life, yet I am continually presented w/ choices, forks in the road if you will. Not unlike yourselves, but while lying in bed last night I hear a voice that startled me. A voice I had not heard from in a long time a voice I knew all to well, and it asked me a simple question;

“We have been at this fork for far too long. What will you choose, a life of happiness or a life of meaning???” sluggishly I respond “WHAT, who is that???”
“You know who it is dumb ass, just answer the question, happiness or meaning?” And in my heart I know who it is but I don’t want to do this now. So with heavy eyes and a cloudy mind I respond meekly “Not this, not now, Pleeeaaase. I’m tired and I want to go to sleep” Then voice growls at me with a growing sense of impatient “Stop whining, we are at an impasse and need to move forward or we will wither and die here” “Why?!?!?!?! I’m in a comfortable place, and I like it.” But even more annoyed the voice rings back “That’s the problem, your comfortable and content with mediocrity and being miserable, NOW WHICH WILL IT BE??” So with the taste of defiance on my tongue I spout back “Fine I choose both.” quickly and with out a moments hesitation “You can’t…”

I am quite taken by this, and now I must ask the simple but poignant question “Why?!?!?!” The silence is deafening and seems to take forever but I know this answer is going to break me. So I humbly say "I want to have both…I need to have both, why cant I have it my way?" Then with a hint of sarcasm as he begins the diatribe “It can’t be done…it is two very different paths. To be absolutely happy you must live absolutely in the present. No thought of what has gone before and no thought of what lies ahead! But a life with meaning, a man is condemned to wallow in the past and obsess with the future…Now you must choose or we will be stuck in this limbo forever”.

I lay there and think for what seems an eternity, left with only my thoughts and a sense of self imposed need to decide. Finally I call out, nervous and unsure of the answer I will get. Like a child asking permission for the first time to go to an all night party “I need time to ponder upon this”. Dissatisfied and disgusted he tells me “You have had a life time to think about this…just make a decision and live with the consequences”...“I know but I need more time, there is more at stake now than just me, what about my wife my children it impacts the people who I love most"

Slowly I hear the sound of his impatient breathing subside and my own terrified heartbeat begin to slow. I know he is gone for now, displeased with my inability to decide the path I should choose and disheartened the years it has taken me to make it...Slowly my eyes grow heavy and the sleep takes me, I am lucky that I am incapable of dreams so this daunting question can not invade my slumber. But it will occupy my every waking moment until I can decide…

The Proper way to pronounce Oklahoma

2007-03-07T12:27:00.000-05:00

The Proper way to pronounce Oklahoma is

Okla ... Homa

There is a pause between the A and H

Name that movie

2007-03-02T14:19:00.000-05:00

1. Fuck a lotta women, kid, I have no reason to lie to you. Not just one, a lotta women.
2. Okay, dad, I think we get it.
1. Are you getting it? Is it going in anywhere? No, don't show me the pad. I don't wanna see the fucking pad.

Eye Candy

2007-03-02T08:35:00.000-05:00

Just to keep you all coming back...A little eye candy for the men and the Ladies, and she's not bad either

Babel Review

2007-02-22T22:50:00.000-05:00

My brief Synopsis: While on a trip to the Moroccan dessert, two American tourist find themselves in a struggle to survive and accidental shooting that sets in motion a change of events that link two Moroccan boys involved in an accidental crime, a nanny illegally crossing into Mexico with two American children and a Japanese teen rebel whose father is sought by the police in Tokyo.

My Review: First and foremost who the fuck vacations in the Moroccan dessert. I don't care what has transpired in your life that you might so desperately need to get away from, stay away from third world countries, plain and simple. Now that I got that out, Babel has great expectations for itself: Inarritu invites us to get past the babble of modern civilization and start listening to each other, which seems like such a novel concept we all should practice but usually don't. It wants to be a movie about big ideas and big emotions at the same time, it is aided by gorgeous locations and stunning cinematography, and it succeeds for the most part. The most impressive performances were not by Brad Pitt or Cate Blanchett but by Adriana Barraza (Amelia) and Rinko Kikuchi (Chieko)...Kikuchi performance is stunning, without speaking a single work she puts on one of the best performances of the film. Is this a must see, unfortunatly for all the hype and Oscar talk...Not really.

Kong gives Babel 2.5 wing out of 5

Wingette of the day...

2007-02-22T22:44:00.000-05:00

Wing Kong Reviews....Little Miss Sunshine

2007-02-19T10:58:00.000-05:00

Here is the preface, trust me it won't ruin anything for you:

The doofus dad wants to be Tony Robbins. The long-suffering mom wishes he'd put away his pipe dreams and be there for the family. The sullen son has taken a vow of silence. The ungainly daughter wants to be a beauty queen. The grandfather snorts heroin. Mom's brother — the gay American Proust scholar — just tried to kill himself. Put these people together in VW Microbus, and you'd think you'd have a recipe for disaster —

My Review

This is was one of the best movies I've watched in quite some time. Not often do a group of charters come together to make a whole that just rings true every step of the way. Don't be mislead by the title this is a film loaded w/ dark humor, along the lines of "The Ice Harvest". It is a wonderful mix of obscure circumstances that bring this dysfunctional family together. It is overflowing w/ such a sick sense of humor that doesn't force the moral of the story on you, it weaves it together to make it's point. For me it proved that family is a heck of a lot like the film's VW bus: It may be clunky, it may not always run right, but everyone will be OK so long as we all get together and push.

Kong gives it 4.5 wings out of 5....a must see

Literally or Figuratively

2007-02-19T10:43:00.000-05:00

So I was driving into work this morning, and this dick in a truck pulls out in front of me........

The biggest mistake anyone can make

2007-02-16T12:54:00.000-05:00

I have found the biggest mistake most people can make is:

"Never Mistake Kindness for Weakness"

How Did I Get Here

2007-02-15T13:04:00.000-05:00

How Did I Get Here??? The Talking Heads posed this exact question and I love this question. We all ask this exact question of ourselves at different points in our lives...

When we were children it was when we were lost, either in the woods or the shopping center it just depends on where you grew up. Suddenly nothing was familiar around you and panic set in...No familiar landmarks, no familiar faces. Then it hit like you like a ton of bricks, where is my mom!?!?! Later in life we developed the survival skills to make it out of the wood or the social skills to ask for help and not to panic.

When we were in Collage or there about that age, for some earlier in life for some later. The question then arose when you were so drunk you had no idea when or where you were. This was usually followed by lots of puking and even a trip to the ER if you were lucky. The worst case of how did I get here during this time in life is waking up in a strange bed w/ no clue how we got there or where we are and who we are with...But for most of us we grow out of this and realize to drink to a point where we'll at least remember most of the things we did.

Last night I hit this point when I ask myself how did I get here...Wife, Kids, Cats, Dogs, Job, Mortgage, Car Payments, Laundry, dishes...You name it, most of us have it in varying degrees. So I literally laid in bed for about an hour thinking that exact question, "How did I get here?" I'll tell you how, I fought and clawed for everything, fell on my face but got back up, Sometimes I succeeded but usually I failed the first, second and even the third time. I've had more taken away from me than handed to me. I've lost more loved ones than I've gained. In the end would I trade one of these instances for an easier path to get here??? No not one, they make me who I am, these are the pressures of life that forged upon me to make me the diamond (so to speak) that I am....

All of our stories are different of how we got here, but if you step back and look we are all a lot better off for choosing or being thrust upon the path we walk...take a minute to see what you have not what you don't and think of the scarifies it took to get them, them seem so much more precious

A typical trip to Best Buy...

2007-02-14T16:20:00.000-05:00

A friend we will call her T-Bone, texted me w/ a question, "What do I need to go wireless in my house"??? We text back and forth and decide I will go w/ her to Best Buy. We get there and the questions begin. What do i need, will this work w/ what I have, do I need to buy anything extra??? All good questions...But then like the A-Bomb comes the big one
"How do you know this, should we ask someone?!?!?!?".
"I do this for a living, remember you called me and asked me how to set it up" I reply calmly.
"But how do you know it will work??"
"Because I'm a professional and have been doing IT for almost eight years now."
"What if it doesn't work????"
"Look would you second guess your doctor or mechanic???" A long period of Silence...
"Now shut up and go pay for this, and buy me a soda..."

Let it snow...

2007-02-14T14:08:00.000-05:00

Snow days don't seem to hold the same value they used to...Why you ask. Its simple there are no snow days for adults...Unless your a teacher or work for a company that doesn't work 24x7. It used to be when those snow flakes fell there was that feeling of I get a day to sled or throw snowballs or do what ever I wanted...Now it's who is going to cover the kids snow day or who's going to cover the 2 hour delay...I really think we all need to step back and enjoy the day for what it.really is..a free day to have fun and be a kid with your Kids again. Who cares if you have work it'll still be there when you get back. I say snow days are national holidays...A everybody leave me the hell alone I'm going sledding w/ Peaches and Snowboarding w/ Peanut day...And I'm staying until they are tired and there little fingers and toes are to cold to do it anymore...Then I'm making some hot Chocolate and Warming up so we can do it again....If you need me leave a message or send me an email. I'm sure I'll be in touch in a day or so...

Night at the Museum...Gets 3.5 out of 5 Wings

2007-02-12T10:24:00.000-05:00

I have to say I was reluctant to see this movie, not because it's more or less a children's movie, I love most kids movies. it was because of the cast involved, I somewhat like Ben Stiller but he gets repetitive like Jim Carey has. Owen Wilson is above average, but I will say this, if you get the chance to see only one of his movies this year hands down it has to be "Bottle Rocket". I was hoping Robin Williams would be it's saving grace. But Back to the "Night at the Museum" I have to say I was pleasantly surprised. I took the whole family including my 3 year old and Steakbellies youngest son. We all had a great time. It was funny on an adult level and the children's which I always think makes a great family movie. The little jabs that fly right over the kids heads but allow me to giggle to myself. On my new grading system of 1-5 wings this gets a 4...If you have kids and want a good laugh I suggest you check it out.

What's with the Repoman sound track?!?!?!

2007-02-09T14:36:00.000-05:00

Some jokes are good enough to last years, this many not be one of them but after the Hal incident in Florida it may just have to....

Can You Name the Movie

2007-02-09T13:15:00.000-05:00

Two lines from this movie, If you haven't seen it I suggest you do

Sarcasm is anger's ugly cousin

1:I SAID OVER EASY!! Now why did I do that?

2:Because I refused to spoon with you last night

Hannibal Rising?!?!?!?!

2007-02-07T17:36:00.000-05:00

I've been an enormous fan of the Hannibal Lecter series since Silence of the Lambs. And when I heard Hannibal Rising was coming out I was excited, finally what made this monster I loved so, tick. After reading about a hundred pages I have to say I haven't been this disappointed since I read Congo. Don't waste your time...I will finish the book because I hope in my heart of hearts it will get better. I don't need the greatest monster of all to be a sadistic war hero...I won't ruin anymore for anyone else. I will however give my final critique and synopsis when and if I can finish this poor excuse of a book...

Natural vs. Silicone

2007-02-06T15:33:00.000-05:00

The debate rages over Natural vs. Silicone...Where the debate rages i have no idea except my own head...When we were waiting for out float to go out we had what I felt one of the most beautiful "dancers" in the place (brunette far right). It came up in conversation that she wanted to get some breast augmentation. I told her she was crazy, I loved the way she looked and should change nothing. I got a few funny looks from the other "enhanced" ladies involved in the conversation. Then it seems Gina said what did I have against implants??? I said nothing but I thought she looked great and I heard they felt fake. With out hesitation the robe was slipped aside from each breast and the top was set askew to reveal quite large and beautiful breast. Followed by go ahead feel them. With a slight amount of the marital guilt I passed. But she insisted and I quickly figured out the odds in my head of when this situation might come up again in my life. So I quickly and hesitantly took feel, she was right they felt real as natural...

So the debate still rages on Real vs. Implants???? I'm sticking w/ Natural but am always open for discussing it again...

Word has it

2007-02-06T15:05:00.000-05:00

My entourage was once referred to as "morally casual" by another eater who could not participate this year...I don't agree, but there might be a grain of truth. I'll leave that to you the readers. What I do know is, it seems a certain member of my entourage who shall remain nameless, was escorted from the Wachovia Center after an incident. Seems this someone was performing a certain oral act in a Club Box after her body guard was involved in an altercation on the floor during the Float precession...I was appalled, but not for the reasons you might think. It was simply that I couldn't watch...See I love woman in all shapes and sizes and to see said person going "down" on another woman would have been a wonderful thing to witness. I mean hell most of us surf the web or rent and buy movies to see it. But to see it live would have been nice...

Maybe next year...

4 short

2007-02-05T16:28:00.000-05:00

Well it's over and as far as fun and excitement for all my friends and fans of Wing Bowl it may have been a success. But I felt slighted, not by the ladies, they were all beautiful and revealing as I would expect. Not by the attendees, they were there typical supportive and revealing selves. Not by the after party, we had a phenomenal time, good friends and lots of beer. I got to hang out w/ a few of the eater I normally don't get to and it was nice just to bullshit w/ them. Not talking about training techniques or what contest was next, but what they do outside of eating. It was nice, there are a lot of really great eater that are even better people.

So why am I disappointed, it's all in myself, I thought I ate well and obviously I didn't, I ate 70 but was counted for 69, The cut off for the second round was 73. The ratio was spectacular after speaking w/ other eaters and I should count my blessing that I didn't get judged like Chip, Bob, Joey, Rich or Sony. I might have only had 20 counted. Crazy legs had said to be before hand "a good bite takes just as long as a bad one", and I kind of took that to heart, maybe to much so, to no fault of Crazy legs, it was great advice. I was almost to anal about how clean they were. It was disappointing, I make no excuses about things that happened during the week of. I was rested and felt good. I just F'ed up I had to stop to clear twice and dropped 3 wings that I chased like a jackass around the table like the "blind beast".

Will I be back for next year??? Of coarse I will, I won't stop until i make the final table. Besides how do you say no to these fine ladies....I don't think you can.

par for the coarse

2007-01-30T22:15:00.000-05:00

I'm sick...nuff said. I haven't eaten since Saturday night at the wing bowl send off for Steakbellie and I. There is truly no words to express the disappointment, frustration and sheer annoyance for the whole situation right now. How does this happen, I get a second chance on the big stage to show I can hang w/ the big boys, and I can't even keep a glass of water down...I'm down 10 pounds in 72 hours, I simply can't imagine how small my stomach has gotten...

WingBowl XV Video

2007-01-16T10:51:00.001-05:00

Well it's finally done....Hope you all enjoy it

Yes, I am a sore loser

2007-01-08T17:05:00.000-05:00

AND a child about losing to Philly

But F#*k it...

If you are walking away, walk away w/ your head high

2006-12-13T12:25:00.000-05:00

Maybe it's my naivety and new newness to Competitive eating but I don't understand the why we are blowing the Sonya issue so far out of proportion. I've tossed this back and forth in my head for a few days, read allot of fodder about it on www.eatfeats.com and still don't understand. I know she is great, I've had the privilege to eat against her twice, she handed me my ass both times. But it was still an awesome thing to experience, it gave me the fuel to push my own personal limits and new techniques to try and see if I could copy, remember imitation is the greatest form of flattery.

My issue is this and this alone, we all chose when and how we want to go out. Barry Sanders went out on top, too early in my opinion; yes but who gives a F#@K what I think. I'm not him I've never taken the pounding of a professional football player and he knew what was right for him. I am trying to make the sacrifices necessary to be a great eater and it's not easy either. Maybe she's had enough of the sacrifices, let her walk away.

We made no bones about Ed Jarvis, or Badlands walking away we wished them good-bye and good luck. I see them brought them back every once in a while for guest appearances or as special council to decide the outcome of an eater...Did they walk away on top?!?! Maybe, maybe not, but we let them go w/ grace and the respect they deserved for paving the way for end tablers like me. Let's show her the same respect for laying the foundation for the next group of female and male eaters...

Cereal Bowl 2006

2006-12-11T17:07:00.000-05:00

Seems the kids are jumping on the competitive eating band wagon...Since I qualified for Wing Bowl, we've had our own competition every morning "Cereal Bowl" every morning. The competition is between my 6 year old and my 3 year old...It's so damn funny...I have to count them down and be a judge. Seems the three year old it trying to bribe the judge to day w/ Kisses. It's one of the funniest things you'll ever see...

Tomorrow "Egg Bowl"

3lbs 5&1/3 ounces in 43 seconds....I'M IN BABY

2006-12-06T10:31:00.000-05:00

It's official...I'm in Wingbowl. I don't ever toot my own horn but it was a good run, 43 seconds by my "official" time keeper 48 seconds according to WIP. Either way it went well. I was nervous and had horrendous cotton mouth. But as soon as the beans hit my mouth it felt like I was in a zone. I was quite happy w/ how everything went. In typical fashion Angelo was riding me about my name and my older wing Kong Shirt, this that and the other. But after the stunt his attitude changed quite a bit. I'm pretty sure he was quite happy and feels that I will represent quite well.
A while after my stunt Steakbellie went, w/ a 2 foot hoagie a half gallon of Lemonade and a small bag of chips....All I can say about this was WOW. He absolutely owned that stunt today. I've seen SteakBellie eat many times either in contests or all of the times we have trained together and never have I witness him rip through something that well. He literally owned that stunt I was more than impressed w/ him today I was amazed.

Apparently 46 isn't good enough

2006-12-04T10:23:00.000-05:00

Well I did my second run of the baked beans and I was quite happy, 3lbs in 46 seconds but apparently this isn't good enough for you die hard fans of competitive eating. I know allot of you have mentioned that if I didn't do it to break the record it was really a worthless stunt. I disagree, I am doing this to get into the Wing Bowl not a baked bean eating contest. I asked around and it was more or less confirmed that it would not count if I did break the record. People may acknowledge I did it but it would not be official, so I see no reason to go to the extreme in this specific situation and potentially screw up my chances of getting into Wing Bowl. Most of you have commented on Dale Boone's record of 84 ounces in 1:52. and Don Lerman's 6lbs (96 ounces mind you) in 1:46. So I ask why is everyone pushing Dale's record when his is less weight and a slower time. If by chance I get a shot at a baked bean eating contest in the future I think I'll fair quite well, but until the sun shines on this dogs ass we all will have to be satisfied w/ 3lbs in around 45 seconds...Because Angelo and Al are.

Wing bowl

2006-11-28T12:46:00.000-05:00

Seems all I write about anymore is cartoons that make me laugh and Pictures w/ satirical remarks...But not anymore. OK who am I kidding I love those things...But I did my first trial run of my wing bowl stunt. I did a run of baked beans, 3lbs in 1:06. I was quite happy with this for a few reasons. First because it was my first run and as we all know you work the kinks out. And I think I have a few ways to cut down that time by 10-15 seconds. The second reason is I really am feeling good about how I have grown as an eater over the past two years...

All of me

2006-11-16T14:54:00.000-05:00

I have no possessions that are truly my own. I am like a stranger at a rich man's gate. What I have is borrowed, and even my knowledge is nothing but hand-me-downs, and an occasional oddity I pick up by chance. I pass it on to others like me."

Suprise

2006-11-15T10:08:00.000-05:00

Maybe it's me but my cereal seemed to taste a little tangy this morning

This really puts things in perspective

2006-10-30T12:53:00.000-05:00

97...Sounds like an insignificant number. But it's not, in fact it's a number that has humbled me to a point at which I can not explain to you if you've never competed against a professional in any type of contest. Sounds odd I know, but hear me out. I played football in college with a DB who was drafted by the Atlanta Falcons. Now keep in mind I was a 285 lb. offensive lineman, that ran a Sub 5 forty (4.9 but still under 5), had a 27 inch vertical, benched 400 pounds and leg pressed 1000. This guy could make me look like his bitch on any given play at practice. He hit like a 300 pound Linebacker he was literally stronger than every lineman we had and was faster than out quickest wide out. During games it was actually fun watching him play.
Now to my point...this weekend I realized my place in professional eating. During the Krystal's hamburger eating contest, I watched Joey chestnut and Kobayashi eat 187 burgers 91 and 97 respectively. They absolutely shattered the record, but what was humbling was they broke the record by more than I ate (27 burgers). I honestly can not put into words how hard it is for me to fathom how much they ate, I'm in awe at there dedication and pure ability...once again in my like it's like watching men playing against a bunch of boys...

It's official...

2006-10-27T16:16:00.000-04:00

It official Brooke Burke and I have broken up. I know your all wondering what could drive her from a catch like me... well I'm here to set the record straight before the rumors start flying. It seems she couldn't handle the roll playing anymore. This weekend I took her out on the "Boat" and we were going to play my favorite game of King and peasant but things got ugly before it even got started...One thing lead to another and I told her if she can't be my dirty little peasant once in a while then she can hit the bricks. She was very distraught losing a man like me, but we decided to remain "friends". I think she just want to keep me around for Booty calls....I'll keep you all updated on the progress of this story

Words I hear all to often

2006-10-27T16:11:00.000-04:00

Except my names not Clyde...and I'm not a shark :)

God Bless Sports Illustratrated

2006-10-26T12:32:00.000-04:00

Christmas is coming - here's a gift suggestion for that special lady!

$30 Million Dollar Bikini

The most expensive piece of diamond apparel ever made is making its debut in the
2006 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue. Designer Susan Rosen worked with Steinmetz
Diamonds to create the ultimate bikini, a special commission in collaboration with the swimsuit editors.
The bikini is made up of over 150 carats of D Flawless diamonds, some of the rarest in the world including ....
a 51ct D Flawless Pear Shape, a 30ct D Flawless Emerald Cut, a pair of 15ct D Flawless Rounds
and a pair of 8ct D Flawless Pear Shapes.
All of the diamonds are free of inclusions, or nature's birthmarks, making the sparkle and brilliance unsurpassable.
That, coupled with perfect D colored stones, which are set in platinum, makes the bikini truly extraordinary.
The diamond bikini is body jewelry that reflects the eternal love and beauty of women.
Not a lot of materials for $30 million.

Why you Love me

2006-10-25T12:21:00.000-04:00

For some reason and I can't figure out why, I love to fck w/ people. It's something that just absolutely makes my day. Just today I was helping out one of our training classes. Now I'm simply there for Technical support if any is needed and I usually try to stay "out of site out of mind". But the new trainer tried ruffling my feathers this morning, by saying she was completely capable of handling any issues that may come up. I told her it was a bad idea especially on the first day w/ 10 people to be trained. She was very insistent that she really didn't need IT to do her job. So I left...
20 Minutes later the first call "so and so can't log in"...Obviously she didn't need my help before so I said, it would be about a half of an hour before I could get to it as I started a new project and was @ a point I couldn't take a break. She was pissed...5 minutes later another call, The profile needed to set set up...my response still going to be a while. Another couple of minutes go by and another call something about a printer and when can I get down there...My response "the more you bug me the longer it's going to take"...Realize this whole time I'm on newegg.com looking for a new HD and memory for my laptop. Finally I mosey on down and fix everything in about 4 minutes...and give her a big old wink and remind the class that if there are any computer related needs to call IS and not training...She was PISSED.

Request or Statement

2006-10-23T23:14:00.000-04:00

Is she asking me or making a statement, either way the answer is YES...

You've met the man

2006-10-23T15:25:00.000-04:00

Now meet the Legend

Keep your eyes on the road

2006-10-21T23:10:00.002-04:00

Suddenly for no good reason that comes to mind I was hit w/ the idea about switching from competitive eating to Race car driving...But I can't put my finger on it!!!

How I found Pepe's Halloween costume

2006-10-21T23:10:00.001-04:00

I was looking for this years Halloween costume when I stumbled upon the perfect site for Pepe. Then I thought about the time she sent me to the store for A few things and one happened to be underwear (ya I'm the J.O. husband in line w/ the box of Tampons in CVS). So I'm looking at a two types of panties and decide to call and make sure I'm getting the right kind. It's bad enough I have to do this once. I'm sure a shit not returning them and going through it twice. Her is how the conversation went;
Me "Hey they have a two kind and I want to make sure I get you the right ones"
Pepe "Ok, it real easy...Look at your first choice"
Me "Ok, I am"
Pepe "Are you smiling"
Me after a good 3 second pause...."Yes"
Pepe "Good, there not it...Now put them down and get the other ones"

Looking for a new Nanny

2006-10-17T14:10:00.000-04:00

Recently we started looking for a new Nanny and we got one a bunch of resumes. And one really stood out...But I'll be dammed if Pepe didn't tell me no and I can't figure out why. She cooks cleans seems wonderful w/ kids…

God Bless Tibet?!?!?! or Know the Tibetan Toe

2006-10-17T09:43:00.000-04:00

This is my own version of Tibetan "Know the Toe". Ladies and Gentleman meet Metok Lhanzey, 20, who walks during the 'swimwear round' of Miss Tibet open to the public for the first time this year in Dharamsala. God bless the US and the way we liberate the world...Soon Metok and Paris will have there own show
Note the attendance of Tiger Woods over her left shoulder; guess he's already looking for a replacement...

I'll miss you

2006-10-14T17:45:00.000-04:00

I try to keep this blog relatively light and humorous, and if you know anything about me I wear my emotions on my sleeve. So I need to get this off my chest... On Wednesday I lost my great grandmother. Luckily it wasn't after a long battle w/ anything it was simply her body was old and tired. "I think her part were worn out" as my 6 year old son said. She was a strong woman who lived through the depression and more personal loss than any one person should have to live through. Looking back I realize it made her a stronger but lonely person and sometimes bitter person. Here is a brief history of her, and trust me with 98 years of life this may rival cliff notes; Marguerite was one of two twins born on May 8th 1908, her twin sister never made it past a few weeks of life. I don't know allot of her time as a youth because she never spoke of it much. I do know she lived through the depression but always made it sound like it wasn't that hard on her. But I know it affected her more than she led on. It was her mannerisms w/ money and food. She never spent frivolous or ate to the point of excess (how she ended up w/ a competitive eater I'll never know). It was like she was always saving things for another day. She was married and gave birth to her son Artie (my grandfather). She was quickly divorced after because as she put it "he was a momma's boy, so I sent him home to his momma". Artie was raised by my great great grand mother "little grand mom" who for the record lived to 104, not sure exactly why he lived w/ her but it was a conversation I dare to broach more than once and w/kid gloves on. But in typical Marge fashion I was told it was none of my business and move on. Artie in turn married Margie (my grandmother), but as fate would have it Artie was killed in a motor cycle accident when Margie was 7 months pregnant. Margie moved to Phoenix for health reason raised my mother alone, until she died when my mom was 16. My mom found her dead in bed one day. DJ (my mother) moved back to Jersey to finish H.S. with Marguerite and little gram. But again fate and its cruel ways struck for the second time, taking my mother from us when I was 12. This seemed to hit her pretty hard, but I wasn't around to see how any of the others affected her. My brother and I were adopted by close family friends but she was always a part of my life. She moved to Louisiana with her niece and sister where they lived for 5 years. When they returned to Jersey where her sister died shortly after and my cousin didn't want to take care of her anymore. So my wife and I took her in...Where she lived w/ us for almost 3 years. She went to the "Home" after a series of falls put her in a wheel chair. I felt incredibly lucky to have her in my life so long and even more fortunate to have my children (her great great Grandchildren) spend so much time with her. Though I think it was great for them to see a perspective of life they would never get from me or Pepe, it was even better for her. It seemed to give her a sense of purpose, almost something new to live for. And that purpose got her into 98 year of life.

So now I have to say goodbye to a woman who played many important roles in my life. Like mother figure when mine couldn't be around, a friend when I just needed to someone to talk to, family historian and the voice of reason when I was being a knucklehead. Some how her patented "YOU BIG DUMB OX" reeled me back in or just made me laugh and made me think...

Gram I love you and you will be missed...

If loving you is wrong I don't want to be right

2006-10-06T13:17:00.000-04:00

So I'm back...in more ways than one. I'm going through a rough patch @ home but things will work out eventually one way or another.

On to bigger and better...After crashing my RC plane...Breaking my Telescope, finishing my Triathlon and not killing everything in my Saltwater fish tank...To name a of the things that have peaked my interest. I think I have found something that may keep me going for quite a while....

Be honest how insane is this guy...Yet I love him and it gets my gears turning

The Krystals Train is finally running

2006-10-03T14:35:00.000-04:00

The Krystal's train just ran...Ran through me like grease through a goose.

Funny article...Seems Drexel Hill didn't represent like it should have
http://www.krystalsquareoff.com/headlines.php?s=38

I'm out of hiding

2006-10-03T10:20:00.000-04:00

I went underground the last week to keep my training under wraps. For 2 reasons I thought I might be able to surprise somebody and pull off mid 30's. The only person I surprised was myself by stinking up the place...27. I was and am quite disappointed in myself. I believe deep down that I can be good @ eating...maybe not top 10 but definitely top 20.

So now what??? 3 things one get ready for Wing Bowl in Philly, 2 Meatballs in AC...And three Lose 30 pounds before the AC trip...I think this is what is holding me back...

I am having my own burger eating contest next

2006-09-22T14:09:00.000-04:00

Recently Pep's dad (my father-in-law) was in town...To know Paps is to love him, but he's freaking insane. Apparently when I was not around he asked Pep, if she would like to buy a cow that one of his friends daughters raised. She placated him for a while asking how much and things of that nature assuming he was just blowing smoke. Guess what he wasn't...
He calls the house and here is how the conversation goes

Paps: "guess what? I bought the cow"
Me: "you bought a what?!?!?"
Paps: "I bought the cow"
Me: "what the F%&K would you buy a cow for"
Paps: "So we can eat it, Listen I paid a little more than what I expected so you guys owe me about $600.00. For the cow and to get it butchered"
Me: Silence....
Paps: "you there..."
Me: "yep....But I'm confused who the hell did I get involved in this"
Paps : "my daughter wanted in on it, Put her on the phone...Hey while I have you on the phone can your freezer hold about 300 pounds of meat"
Me: Silence...

Yep you guessed it, you are looking at the proud owner of a GD Cow

Suddenly there was light...

2006-09-22T08:17:00.000-04:00

With 11 days left to train for Krystal's I was getting a little worried that this might not be "my food". My times were dropping instead of increasing; I wasn't feeling the groove we all know we get into. I kept thinking this is Nathan's all over again...

Last night I switched it up techniques one more time, and why not. Nothing was really working like I knew it should. Not that 20 in 3:30 is pathetic but it wasn't numbers I knew I was capable of. So I decided I would "borrow" a few things I've heard or witness from some really great eaters. I took something HB said in passing about using two hands, borrowed Steakbellie's shovel technique, and Pat B's music while I eat....I'll be damn it if it didn't finally pay off. Small run of 20 again...This time was 2:16.

I couldn't have been happier...Is it on par w/ the some of the greats; Bob, Joey, Sonya, Tim, Conti and Kobayashi...No, not even close. But it was a big step for me and I feel like I'm seriously back in the game...

Saturday is a run of 30 check back on Monday

The closer I get, the Slower I go...

2006-09-21T16:04:00.000-04:00

Seems the more I eat the slower I get...I did my second run on Tuesday and just shit the bed. 20 white Castles in 3:30 almost 20 seconds longer than the other day. I'm just not getting them wet enough, so I am going w/ a change. I am going w/ the two handed approach I figure if I soak the bun for an extra second or two before hand I won't get that back up in my throat and they should slide easier. I'm going for another run tonight w/ Steakbellie, it's another 20 burgers but I am shooting for under 3:00...I Should get it if I get the rhythm of it early...

Today’s stomach stretching was good. I feel like the capacity is there. I started w/ 1 quart of water in 30 seconds. I slammed down 2 ham and cheese rollups w/ a banana and 2 pounds of oatmeal. It took just over two minutes. Then I attempted the second two quarts of water. One full quart and about a third of the second I was spent...Great stretch.

There are ten day to go...And I'm changing my eating style. I feel like I'm changing quarterbacks before the super...I hope it doesn't screw me up.

How many people can say...

2006-09-19T12:45:00.000-04:00

How many people can say they have eaten an entire grocery store out of an entire food? Not many, you may get the last bag of chips or the frig pack of Pepsi when it's on sale...But you most certainly never walked in and bought 20 boxes of hamburgers/chesseburgers. And ate them all in a week. Watch out on the 10/1 it's on and a few people are going to be supprised...

13 days and counting

2006-09-18T10:51:00.000-04:00

Saturday was interesting and disappointing...I did a timed run. 5 boxes (30 total burgers), I figured if I could get 20 in the first 3 minutes I was well on my way to my goal number of 40. I was nervous for some reason and I'm usually not for a simple training run. I think now that I've decided to take competitive eating to a new level. From simply a hobby to a real goal oriented task of cracking the IFOCE top ten, currently I'm 43rd.

Things started out great I felt comfortable and was moving @ a good pace...The first 17 went down like butter. My rhythm felt good. I was getting just enough water that it was 2 bites per burger and both went relatively clean. The occasional extra chew or two but nothing to raise concern. 18 hit and I didn't dunk it long enough and it was dry. It got stuck in my esophagus, not enough to block my air way but enough that I needed to chug some water. I figured I needed to treat this as game day situation, so I had to find a way to fight through it...19 went down but I could feel it stacking up. 20 went down in 3:11 and made it way right back out at 3:12...I frigin puked...Not allot and I probably could have swallowed it down and went further...But swallowing my own puke if for game day only...The good part was a I wasn't full. Not even close. I actually chugged about a half gallon of water after...To make up for the ten I didn't finish.

It was annoying and somewhat of a setback, but a good learning experience

Words of wisdom from a 6 year old

2006-09-15T10:27:00.000-04:00

Last night I said to my son "Time flies like an arrow" he immediately replied w/ out an ounce of hesitation or thought “fruit flies like a banana"...I Pissed my pants for 5 minutes and he had no clue why until I explained it...

God I love the subtle combination of youth and innocence…

Competitive Eating in My World

2006-09-15T09:40:00.000-04:00

In my world, the sick little one it is, I wish competitive eating was like the WWE. Now before you get some crazy idea in your head of chairs across the back and flips off the ropes. I simply mean good guys/bad guys and a some trash talk w/ a medium for people to check in on it...Follow there favorite eater (me of coarse)

Yesterday I was doing a little trash talking w/ Steakbellie and it was harmless and I actually enjoyed it...But I got to thinking, I would be such an awesome bad guy. I would rattle and rile up the other eaters through a web page, youtube or even TV spots and interviews promoting the next competition/event...

My new name as a bad guy is Carnage...And I think I will have dual personalities just to keep people on there toes...

17 days until Krystals

2006-09-14T14:23:00.000-04:00

Today's training went well, 4 good sized chicken breasts, Can of Chili, and 2 baked potatoes. And a half gallon of water...about 6 minutes. I'm not as uncomfortable as I was last week after the water so I think the stretching is working.

I am modifying my training regiment a bit...I was conversing w/ another eater quite an impressive one I might add, but will remain nameless as I don't know if he would want to be named, He gave me a few ideas...We shall see...

Where are they now???

2006-09-13T12:05:00.000-04:00

Anyone know where Matt Leblanc (Joey) got his start...Accuradio of coarse!!!!

From the mouths of Pups

2006-09-13T11:56:00.000-04:00

I finally have a way to reason w/ people about my cigars...

First Mini Run (18 days Til D-Day)

2006-09-13T11:12:00.000-04:00

Last night I bought some burgers just to see how they went down...and what technique I was going to use. So I took the advise of another eater and warmed them up how he said but because they were frozen I left them in a little long than I think I should have...The tops had a hard crust on top and the inside was really cold.

I decided I was going to time this just for S&Gs. Mainly to see just how much water they sucked up, how many bites it would take and they went down. I started the clock and dove right in, to my surprise even w/ the hard top it was two bites and maybe one chew on the second bite before the swallow...I was happy. I dug right into the second and the third w/ delight, as these were so much easier than those damn Nathans Hot Dogs. For the 4th, 5th and 6th I tried to get a rhythm going using both hands to dunk then shovel...It was quite awkward. I am going to work on that tonight...Over all it took 51 seconds, I'm not sure quite how that will work out for me in an 8 minute contest but I think it was a solid start...Tonight is round 2 30as quick as I can w/ me noting what number I'm at in the 3 minute range....I'm hoping for 20 but we will see tomorrow

3 things....(19 days til Krystals)

2006-09-12T16:17:00.000-04:00

1: I know the chemical brothers are all techno and what not, but damn it the bass in those damn songs Frigin rock...
2: I don't care who wrote all the songs for Courtney Love she, she tears it up and I would love her to take some of that anger out on me while she rides me...
3: Training Kicked my ass today.....I took what I call the Takeru Kobayashi approach. I call it this because I saw a special on him and who better to model your training after than the best. Obviously I modified it a little. I did 5 pounds of Rice today...and used a half gallon of water to wash it down @ the same time and chugged the rest to finish it off. 6 minutes...For the love of God it hurt...But I know this is going to pay off in the end...

23 days until Krystals

2006-09-08T14:01:00.000-04:00

Today’s training was tuff...I had a small reversal of Fortune @ work, more on that later

I started w/ a quart of water again, it took me about thirty six seconds, I'm still in awe @ Joey Chestnut doing the gallon of milk for wing bowl in 47 seconds but digress. I immediately dove into 5 McDonald's cheese burgers quartered. My theory was that I was trying to make them somewhat like the Krystals burgers, but it didn't work. That took me 2 minute 37 Seconds. I felt good as I jumped right into the second Quart of water, as I was drinking it I walked to the water cooler to refill the first one I emptied. When I finished the second quart I had only filled up the third quart container. So I began to chug.... I was dieing trying to swallow the last little bit of water when I realized it, “I'm going to lose this, and I’m going to lose this NOW”. I told myself I need to hold this down and get a good stretch in. Burp after burp and gag, I held fast for almost ten minutes, suddenly I looked over at my poor lonely and empty trash can and lost it right in my office…

Tomorrow will be better